Depression plays a big part in pregnancy. Your body is changing, your sleeping schedule, everything around you seems so much more intense. In my case my temper was amplified. I was dealing with a lot. Classes and a full time job with a very irritating boss. Not to mention I was supposed to train a half brained girl to help them out once I left for two months. Everything just came at me all at once and if it wasn’t for my mother I would’ve drowned in all my misery.
Once the delivery was done I thought ” the worst is over” I would be able to feel happy again, but it became worse. I’ve become a frequent crier, anything no matter how small has me bawling in the bathroom with the faucet running. I’m well aware I’m not supposed to hide these emotions and that if I do it’ll keep getting worse. But there’s really no one who can understand this at home. My mom can, and I’ve shared a lot with her. I just don’t want to go running to her every time I feel like crying. I’m supposed to be an adult. She has done so much for me already I don’t want her worrying over me.
I’m doing well than most people; and my depression comes in small waves. Nothing too big they’re more like ripples in a puddle, but even those I don’t want others to see. I just sometimes wished my husband could know what I’m going through; I wish he could feel the pain I had felt during giving birth and the emotional roller coaster after. It seems so easy for him; all I do is stay at home feed the baby, change the diaper and put her to sleep. What he doesn’t know is that I hated looking at myself in the mirror for the past six months. My faced swelled up to twice it’s size, my nose as well and I just hated looking at what I’ve become. And when you’re feeling like you just can’t look at yourself, someone mentioning you need to lose weight can surely have a toll on you. It all seems like a joke and most of the time I laugh it off’ but it hurts. It hurts that whatever negative things you’re thinking about yourself the other person also agrees. I will get through this and coming from a long line of strong ass mothers I will be okay 😉